What about those dreams, though?  They are there for some reason.  They ignite something special in you – creativity, simplicity, contribution, getting back to your roots, growing, learning, making a bigger difference in the world.  The values that those dreams spark are important.  Even if the dreams themselves are romantic and improbable, the values that the dreams elicit are something to explore and incorporate into your life more – now.

Here are 5 questions to help you discover your secret dreams and the messages that they hold for your life now:

• If you didn’t have any responsibilities (monthly mortgage, raising a family, employees, clients, etc), what would you do?
• What is something you’ve always wanted to do but never pursued because it was impractical or irresponsible?
• If you weren’t doing what you are currently doing, what would you want to be doing instead?
• What is it that these secret dreams reveal about you?
• What do you now want more of in your life?

Have fun with your dreams!  Go get a piece of them now!

Research shows that our happiness is actually not at all linked to our income and that an increase in material resources and wealth does not increase our happiness.  So, what does?

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi says that true happiness comes from being in a state of flow:

His research shows that the state of flow comes from

Are your words falling on deaf ears?

Every industry and most groups, teams and organizations have special language that they use to communicate with each other.  The special language, acronyms and jargon is useful in streamlining communication and in creating a sense of belonging among members – think of it like a secret handshake.  All the members of a the tribe understand the special usage.  They even use their understanding and skillful use of jargon as a tool for distinguishing themselves among other members.  Jargon can also be used to exclude people from conversations – sort of like using a secret code that outsiders don’t really understand.

The challenge for leaders is to use language intentionally and inclusively.  Language can be used intentionally to create rapport and create community.  The unintentional overuse of jargon can create distance and mistrust.

Here are some tips for using jargon more effectively:

1.  Know the jargon that is being used in your industry, group or community.  For example, coaches use words like change, transformation, destiny, inspiration, goals, passion, purpose and results.  Inner city youth might use expletives in creative, non-traditional ways as a noun, a verb, an adjective and a bunch of other parts of speech.  Catholics use language that only other Catholics use (and understand) regularly like genuflect, communion, altar, tabernacle, vestments, etc.  Everyone has some special language:  Bloggers, Athletes, Website Designers, Coaches, Entrepreneurs, Chefs, Educators, Administrators, Doctors, Book Club members, Family members, Alumni, etc.  Know what yours is!

2.  Use jargon inclusively with other members of your group and stretch yourself to use language more intentionally both inside and outside of your group.

3.  Pay attention to the impact of the language you’re using.  If people’s eyes are glazing over or they are staring off into space, they might not be understanding you.  Some words and phrases are so overused that they don’t even mean anything significant any more.  What are the words and phrases that you are using that don’t have any real defined meaning?  Simplify your language, use less jargon and start connecting with people on a more profound level.

4.  Know the jargon of your clients, customers and other people you would like to influence.  Using their language can help create rapport and influence.  And, it can backfire on you, too.  Only use words and phrases that you can use authentically – that fit your personality and your relationship to the individual or group you want to influence.  Some words and phrases are for insiders only.  Teenagers can call each other “Dude” and an assortment of other less printable names, but their parents and teachers probably don’t have a lot of leverage with them for use of these words.  However, parents and teachers probably do want to be able to use a word like “text” as a noun, verb, adjective, etc.  And, they will want to have a working understanding of the distinctions between “going out, hanging out, chilling out and passing out.”

5.  When in doubt, leave it out!  If you aren’t sure how to use a word or phrase, then don’t.

6.  Do not assume that everyone knows what you mean. If you aren’t positive that the people listening to you understand how you are using words in context, simplify.  Use more words or less words – paying attention to who is listening and how they are understanding you.

In the corporate world, Tribal Leadership is being used to do Culture Interventions and Culture Upgrades.

The Tribal Leadership Culture Intervention Model:

1. Do a formal assessment or survey making sure to capture what culture stage best describes the tribes in the organization and what stage best describes the organization overall.
2. Work with the leaders in the organization to interpret the assessment.  Have them give voice to what the tribe(s) want.
3. Have a “Town Hall Event” where senior people, sample groups or the entire organization get together.  Introduce the ideas of Tribal Leadership, address the assessment and introduce the leaders’ strategies.  The main purpose of this event is to get people talking about Tribal Leadership.
4. Do a lot of executive coaching, generally starting well before the first assessment and continuing throughout the process.  Use the triadic coaching model pioneered by Mark Taylor.
5. Launch the identified micro-strategies and have people get coached through obstacles.

The entire process generally takes about 90 days, with Steps 1-5 having a very short launch cycle (like 5 days).  There is normally an “Oh, ****!” phase that the organization goes through around day 45, that is actually the real turning point in the process.

Tribal Leadership is being forwarded in the world by the Tribal Leadership community and by Culture Sync, a network of tribes that provides service for the Tribal Leadership World.  They are mostly working with people who want to take on big, new challenges.  The Tribal Leadership model is evolving from the Ivory Tower of social science into a simplified model that leverages our assets and expands our impact.  One example of this is the shift from very detailed, complicated assessments to using “The Big Four Questions” as the primary assessment tool.

The Big Four Questions:

1. What’s working?
2. What’s not working?
3. What can we do?
4. Is there anything else?

David Logan discusses this change with a great story about how he has evolved from seeing himself as a social scientist in a white lab coat with a clipboard of authority to an absent-minded professor who just sort of stumbles on the exact right questions to ask.

It is good to note that there is a potential challenge with the assessment with entrepreneurial organizations that have grown up into more complex organizations.  One of the ideas that these tribes tend to want to rally around is “going back to the good old days.”  This is not the solution, only a symptom of where the culture currently is at.

1.  Model the Way

• Clarify values by finding your voice and affirming shared ieals.
• Set the example by aligning actions with shared values.

2.  Inspire a Shared Vision

• Envision the future by imagining exciting and enabling possibilities.
• Enlist others in a common vision by appealing to shared aspirations.

3.  Challenge the Process

• Search for opportunities by seizing the initiative and by looking for innovative ways to improve.
• Experiment and take risks by constantly generating small wins and learning from experiences.

4.  Enable Others to Act

• Foster collaboration by building trust and facilitating relationships.
• Strengthen others by increasing self-determination and developing competence.

5.  Encourage the Heart

• Recognize contributions by showing appreciation for individual excellence.
• Celebrate the values and victories by creating a spirit of community.

These 5 Practices and 10 Commitments have proven consistent and relevant for over 30 years and in over 26 different countries.

In our Foundations of Leadership Course, we will be exploring these 5 Practices and 10 Commitments through experiential training exercises.

• Go for a walk
• Get outside
• Call your coach
• Go to the spa
• Email your coach
• Ask Facebook
• Climb a tree
• Coach
• Make a metaphor for your stuck (mine is “Paralyzed by Perfection”)
• Dance
• Listen to music
• Trust myself
• Get into community
• Talk with a friend
• Call a friend
• Detox in Nature
• Roar!
• Meet with a mentor
• Go to the beach
• Journal
• Book a massage
• Meditate
• Do dishes or laundry (this is as close as I get to meditating)
• Take a shower
• Banana Split (not my weapon of choice, but I can appreciate it)
• Chocolate

These are just some of the ideas that my genius friends and colleagues came up with. But, the best advice came from Master Coach, David Darst:
“There’s value in stuck, too. It’s not always a place to steer away from.”

Okay, this is the Yoda-ish wisdom you get when you work with a Master Coach. It can be frustrating and confusing, but it was exactly what I needed to hear to get to the next questions that I need to ask myself:

Instead of how do I get unstuck, I am now exploring:

• What is the value of being stuck?
• What is the payoff of being stuck?
• What is being stuck like?
• What are the lessons that I get from being stuck?

What I am realizing is that I’m not stuck so much as scared.  And, that I am “paralyzed by perfection.”  One of our Senior Leaders, Danielle White, recently reminded me that “perfection is over rated.”  I am so grateful to be surrounded by such a kick-ass tribe!

And, ironically, now that I’ve completely embraced being stuck, I feel inspired to take action.  When I’m ready to get unstuck, I …

• Do ONE thing – just commit to one small action.
• Take a big, bold action.
• Make a menu of options of all the things I possibly could do to get unstuck and then I commit to three of them.

What do you ask?  What are you learning?  What do you do?

I was called to leadership in the lady’s room today. There was a long line, which isn’t an unusual phenomenon, and there were two stalls that nobody was using. I assumed, like everyone else, that there was something wrong with those stalls. But nobody had looked in them since I had entered. The line continued to move with everyone simply ignoring those stalls. Well, I decided to look. And, you know what? There was absolutely nothing wrong with either one. They were just empty. So, I announced it to the women waiting and we got the line moving.

What else in our lives do we just assume is off limits or unavailable? What else do we simply ignore and do like others are doing? Why don’t we check? Sometimes, it’s because we are lazy. Sometimes, it’s because we’re afraid of what we’ll find. We don’t want to see what we imagine might be there. Sometimes, we are afraid of offending others. We assume that they must have investigated that option already and we don’t want to insult them or embarrass them by suggesting a rather obvious solution. Sometimes, we might be afraid to embarrass ourselves. We don’t want to stand out or to make a scene. And, sometimes, we are afraid of letting go of our current position (like losing our place in line) because we don’t know if we’ll be able to get it back. We want to be able to secure our new position without letting go of the old one first. And the last lesson, for me today, is that necessity is the mother of invention. When you feel some urgency (if you get my meaning), you can get really creative and inventive.